It’s crazy that there’s always so much in my mind but when I sit down to write the words disappear. It’s like everything is always only meant for me. Or is it? I know that is partially true. Every time I give advice its something I need to hear at one point in time or another.
What I really often think about is why me and why this path. Do you know what its like to not have a single friend to feel part of something? I mean really, not one. not even one person that you check on or that checks on you, even once a year. To not have anyone to share good news with, to talk on the phone with, to bounce ideas off of, shit to just sit around and be in each other’s presence. I dont think I’ve met even one other person living a similar experience yet.
Lone Wolf Syndrome
For a long time I felt othered and out of place by my lone wolf nature. And, sometimes I still wonder about it. But more and more, I’m seeing that there are no accidents. Every part of our life experience has purpose, even if we don’t see it. Being introspective to this degree has saved me a multitude of times. 
But it can still feel like this thing is keeping me from being truly happy. How does one truly thrive in complete solitude? No affection, no love, no community. It’s tough because at the center of it all IS self. We are whole in who we are, what is within us. But that human nature is the foundation. We are in this 3d realm and alone there are only so many areas we can excel in. Inevitably, some areas suffer, because connection with others is the catalyst to its own avenues of expansion.
A growth I dont know when ill see. Most of the time I’m okay with it but sometimes I notice it more. Like when I do get to interact with someone new or potentially make a new friend and i get a little awkward or catch myself trying too hard. It’s weird not knowing what connection is like in reality, although spiritually I feel it very deep. I feel it with myself, I feel it to my passions, I feel it to my dreams. But in my everyday world, I feel very little. How does one grapple with this dilemma?
Is it acceptance, is it deliberate change? I’m not sure if its either because both of these I have tried alone and simultaneously. I don’t want to complain or cry for help. I love who I am, and what my path has been. Truly, I wouldn’t change a thing. It would feelish to be part of the general population whose only desire is to hurt, ridicule and cause division. Love has always been my true dominant vibration. Is that why its attracted so many energy vampires? People and situations that seem to come out of nowhere.
The Shift: Isolation to Purpose
Its difficult because only YOU know the truth. You know what you showed up as. YOU know the choices you make. YOU know the beliefs you hold. And you know, at your core, what it is that is yours to have. But the conditioning man. It really is so much. When your mind starts to take over it can feel like you’re losing an uphill battle.
But understand that the victory is won. No matter what path you choose, make it a great one. All that matters is that you’re having fun. You can make the “right” choices later. Just make sure you make the one that honors yourself and makes you truly at peace. People may not understand you. They may not agree with you. You didn’t come here to be part of collective suffering. You came here for the purpose of disrupting. It takes serious guts to go against the mainstream way of being and you do it with so much pride. You stand up for yourself in every situation and still have the discernment to know when it’s time to step. You do not get knocked off your path because some stories might be hard to break. But they are. They’re breaking now in every single moment that you devote undivided energy to the light being you are embodying.
Divine Path & Ancestral Protection
This future is yours for the taking. It has been ALL THIS TIME and with little fucking belief, lets be honest. You manifest big shit off a WHIM. without even trying, and you wonder why they love you but can’t hold you. Why are they so intrigued yet cant find it in them to stimulate you. This is not ego, but recognition, that we do vibrate differently. The ones that get it do, and the ones that don’t –
Long quiet pause
My grandmother spoke a prayer over me every time she saw me.
Every time I think about it I feel her there.
One I will never forget. I believe it has protected me in every moment of my life.
We are eternal. Infinite. This 3d will pass away, but the energy carries through every timeline
Peace.
